The maid of honor just puked.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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