i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
