I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
