After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
