new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
