chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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