I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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