why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
