Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
