I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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