Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
love makes seman taste better
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
