It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
