If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
