buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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