just come out here and I will go home with you...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
