You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
