If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How naked do you want me to be?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
