he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
