So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
