Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
