Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
