so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
