Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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