Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she told me i tasted like america
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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