I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
