And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You are the jesus of drinking
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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