Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
