I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
