I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
