Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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