elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
