addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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