i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
