She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
