you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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