Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
