I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
