So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
