If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
