so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hippo gnu deer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
