I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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