OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
