I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
