By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
