why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
