If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
