I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
