I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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