nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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