Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
