THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
