You really coming over, don't trick.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
