remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
